


My Doom

by Pamphylia



Category: Doom (Video Games)
Genre: Crack, Pain, agony even, for the love of god please help me, i don’t know shit about this man, im going crazy, im so sorry mother i can not tap dance like you wanted, just to make this piece of shit fanfiction, lyrics, my immortal but doom, not really - Freeform, the voice actor of samuel hayden, tweeting about doing a fucking somersault, well the last part is all crazy, what the fuck am I doing, why did i fucking dream of darin de paul, with his girlfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 12:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pamphylia/pseuds/Pamphylia
Summary: for the love of god please help me.this happened because of a fucking dream.
Relationships: Davoth/Marauder
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	My Doom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [minbar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/minbar/gifts).



> i am so sorry for what you are about to read right now
> 
> i’m talking to myself but yeah heed the warnings 
> 
> it’s all keysmash

AN: Special hellz (get it, coz Im a goffik satanist) 2 my bf (lol yes in that way) minbari in da ghetto xxx 69420 xxx 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! omg ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! jackt hm rox!

Hi my name is Evil Dark'ness Davoth Dark Lord Jekkad and I have short brown black hair (that's how I got my name) and big tattoos with pink streaks and red edges that reaches my mid-back and sexy red eyes like dry blood and a lot of people tell me I look like Jackie Chan (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to the marauder but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a warrior from hell, and I go to a hell school called Urdak in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm a gazillion vagina years old ). I'm the dark lord (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside England. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey cunt!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Marauder Doom Eternal!

"What's up Marauder?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me min!

Chapter 2.

AN: thx 2 minbari from da ghetto xxx 69420 xxx 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW pussiez stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took off my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, karen fuckfork aka da imp cuntarina (AN: min lookie!) woke up then and grinned at me. he flipped his long ass flip flops and black hair with grey earrings and opened his forrest gump eyes. he put on his fallout vault boy t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Marauder Boi yesterday!" he said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Marauder?" he asked as we went out of the Luminarium common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" he exclaimed. Just then, Marauder walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii omg hiiiiiiii." I died flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Friday night funkin." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love gay fanfiction of pico and boyfriend. xml!!!!!!! . They are my favorite ship, besides dream minecraft content creator x me.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Oh my god um yes ahah i said 

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize hellz 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! bitch AGEN bitches! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 linkin park or your momma.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some hivliving drama. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some doomguy blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Marauder was waiting there in front of his flying mega giga car and he smoked like 68000 packs of like cuban cigars like bro he fucking hitting that shit like omg so hot ahahaydueieherr. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). cunt

"Hi!" I said in a stupid voice.

"Hi cunt." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said my ass) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to death and penis music. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Linkie.

"My mom is sus when the imposter is sussss aaaaahsjfiUJejeualeusjdFBUDHDHRIEHRHFHRIRHRISR JDUDIDIDJSJSUWHEJEHRBRJRHHRHRHRAMOG US JERMA JFJEKEUEKJD HI SISTER TATi WEST BOOK AAHCUSISHDSUR JSJDURKEJ FHRHDDAME DANE DAMEYO DAME NANYO ANTA GA SUKI DE SUGI SUGITE DO REDAKE AISISJSIAJDWIDIDJDIIDEIRURIRUR DING DING MY FUCKIJGJSUWUEI. IIK298:kr;:88/)*]^]+}*]]+|~+*~*~~*!~*\\*]+{^}€+]€\€|*}}!*\\*~!~*~€+{+]+]’nchcusowou]£*{+{+{+]+}€+|+{+]+]€~^*}{**\\*\\*]*]}}}}*]*[=[=+{*{+{*}^}{*{*{€}!}!}^! DING DIMG LDJEJEITHERYFB THE WICKED BITCJ IS DEAD AHEIR WOEEISHDJEIWJDIWIIDIDJFJDJDHFHEJIDJF YOUR MOTHER IS MY SON AAAAAAAA ARE YOUWINNING SON CRINGE CRIMG BRINGE BLUEPILLED REDPILLED BASED BASED ONIONS IMPNI ONIONS AAAWHAUEOWHDBDI" sang Bitchfuck Archvile(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

OMG (oh my g*d)

"Bitchfuck is so fucking hot like omg ahah he’s so hot n sexy lol ahah." I said to the marauder while eating hot chip and lying, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Marauder looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Marauder sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know bitchfuck and he's going out with my dad. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Marauder. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked My mom and Bitchfuck for their autographs and photos with them. We got ugly blonde concert tees. Marauder and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Marauder didn't go back into TERF island, instead he drove the car into… the The blood swamps!

AN: I sed stup flaming ok davoth’s name is davoth nut mary su OK! marauder IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"marauder!" I shouted calmly. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

marauderdidn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"cunt?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

marauder leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I marauder kissed me passionately. marauder climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….samuel hayden!

chapter faur 

sammy said oh my god (omg)! “DUHHH CIRNGE!!!! DUHHH BRINGE!!?!!1 CRINGE!!!!! IS THAT ALL YOU SHITPOSTING FUCKS CAN SAY!!? DURR BASED BASED BASED CRINGE CRINGE BASED BASED CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE BASED CRINGE I FEEL LIKE IM IN A FUCKING ASYLUM FULL OF DEMENTIA RIDDEN OLD PEOPLE THAT CAN DO NOTHING BUT REPEAT THE SAME FUCKING WORDS ON LOOP LIKE A FUCKING BROKEN RECORD CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE BASED BASED CRINGE ONIONS ONIONS ONIONS SNOYY ONIONS LOL ONIONS!!! CRINGE!!!1 BOOMER!! LE ZOOMER!!!! I AM BOOMER!!!! NO ZOOM ZOOM ZOOMIES ZOOMER GOING ZOOMIES AHGHGH I FUCKING HATE THE INTERNET SO GODDAMN MUCH FUCKJK YOU SHITPOST I HONEST TO GOD HOPE YOUR MOTHER CHOKES ON HER OWN FECES IN HELL YOU COCKSUCKER VUT OHHH I KNOWM MY POST IS CRINGE ISNT IT?? CRINGE CRINGE CRINGR CRINGEY BASED CRINGE BASED REDDIT REDDIT CRINGE ZOOM CRINGE ONIONS REDDIT BASED BASED AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CRINGE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO CRINGE SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD CRINGE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE CRINGE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. CRINGE. CRINGE.” and then he died and then intern was like “bro ya gonna watch the new update for fnf week seven lmao”

and then in the corner. came…

john romero…. stabbing samuel hayden in the eye… and saying doomguy trans and trans rights are human rights… in a megaphone… to the entire universe…

god bless bitchfuck archvile 

davoth was like “when da dlc dropping boys”

and then everyone was like “idk prolly in a million years.”

and then samuel hayden tried to drink wine but fuckinf died i’m sorry the writer can’t fuckinf think straight blame the fucking writer 

JK LMAO IM A BEAUTIFUL BITHC

the end.

  * by Intern Eternal



————————

“Who… who wrote this…”

“It was me, Seraphim.” Intern claimed proudly, standing up with honor to the entirety of the inhabitants of the ARC carrier.

“Intern... I swear to my bitches getting stitches… why did you write this?” Samur said, clenching the paper with seething anger, he nearly ripped the entire thing to shreds with his claws alone. “I like friday night funkin…?” Samur looked at him with disappointment in his eyes, he shook his head, upset at the young human writing such terrible paragraphs. He can’t even understand this… thing! “I feel like I’m going to go insane.”

The Intern grinned, “I know, I’m probably an inspirational writer already!” he said, patting himself on the back. Elena was already passed out on her desk, and the Supervisor never even read the fanfic he wrote himself. “Aw, you guys are just jealous you can’t write that well like I do!” he said, crossing his arms. Doomguy, who sat in the corner with his toys and the fanfic, began laughing hysterically at some of the paragraphs. The Marauder was there too, and all he could do was facepalm at the Intern.

Samur grabbed the shoulder of an employee and whispered, “Make it a rule that The Intern should never write fanfiction again.”

And then everyone fucking turned into dust like Avengers: Infinity War.

and then the writer fucking screamed 

Nobody move, there's blood on the floor

And I can't find my heart

Where did it go? Did I leave it in the cold?

So please give it back, 'cause it's not yours to take

It must've fell when I lost my mind

Deep in the cut, drowning in a pain

Somebody help, 'cause I can't find my way

Nobody move, nobody move

Somebody tell me how I'm supposed to feel

When I'm sitting here knowing this ain't real

Why in the world would I give my heart to you?

Just to watch you throw it in the trash

I've been traveling so long, I don't think I can hold on

Where were you when I needed you the most?

Now I'm sitting here with a black hole in my chest

A heartless, broken mess!

**Author's Note:**

> thundercat’s them changes is cool okay 
> 
> dont hurt me please i’m just a level one writer


End file.
